When you know your own and each others love language, your love will grow and flourish beyond your imagination. In this article we will look at the 7 love languages and how they can help you have a happy, harmonious relationship.
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Why You Need To Know The 7 Love Languages
Love is both simple and complicated. Simple because when we feel it, it’s undeniable. It is complicated because in order for it to grow and last we cannot rely on the initial rush of feelings.
If we base our long term relationships on the honeymoon period we will hit problems later on.
This is where knowing your love language comes in.
What Does Love Language Mean?
Dr Gary Chapman introduced the original concept of love languages. He said there are five love languages and people have a major love language that makes them feel loved.
Later, Truity did a survey of 500,000 people and came up with seven love languages.
These new seven languages take into account how roles of men and women have changed and also the variety of relationships people get into.
The original model is still valid, we will briefly look at it later.
However, in this article we go through the new seven love languages so you can see which one you and your partner fit into.
7 Love Languages
The seven new love languages tell us what we value in our relationship the most in order to feel loved. They also help us understand our partner’s love style.
The languages are…
1. Activities – Enjoy and appreciate the hobbies and things I like
2. Appreciation – Like to be praised and complimented.
3. Emotional – Emotional connection through hard times.
4. Financial – Responsible and generous with resources.
5. Intellectual – Connect mentally, discuss and respects opinions.
6. Physical – Physical connection, hugging and kissing
7. Practical – Helping each other with daily tasks and chores.
1. Activity Love Language
If you have this style of love language you feel loved when your partner shows interest in your hobbies and activities you enjoy.
When they make an effort to join you, you feel a deeper connection with them. It’s not just you are spending time together, it is that they care enough and have a genuine interest in what you are doing.
2. Appreciation Love Language
People who have this love language style feel valued when their partner compliments and praises them.
They respond to words over deeds, although deeds are still important. The words must be heartfelt and genuine and show appreciation for their effort and achievements.
3. Emotional Love Language
People who feel loved with this as their main love language want someone who is there for them during tough times.
Whether they are feeling vulnerable or are facing a tough emotional time, they want your support to feel truly loved.
They still appreciate physical connection, but their main focus is on emotional connection.
Read the article to Emotional Intelligence in Relationships, to learn how to improve in this area.
4. Financial Love Language
If you have this love language you feel loved when your partner uses their financial resources to bring you joy.
This is not just about gift giving and surprises, but the generosity your partner shows with their money. Because makes your life easier and happier.
When your partner spends money on you, you feel they value you and want you to be safe.
5. Intellectual Love Language
People who have an intellectual love style feel loved when you respect their opinions and ideas. They feel connected when you engage them in thoughtful discussion about important things.
They love it when both your minds meet.
6. Physical Love Language
If you love being and touched and held, then you have a physical love language.
This goes beyond sex, which you enjoy, to kissing, hugging, holding hands and caressing.
You love the intimacy that physical contact brings.
7. Practical Love Language
People who have the practical love style feel loved and cared for when their partner takes care of practical things in life.
This can be household chores or making sure their car tires are changed so they are safe.
It’s not just the day to day chores they appreciate, but also the one off things their partner has done it for them. They love these kind of surprises.
Remember, people have a main style but also appreciate the others. For instance someone with a intellectual love language can appreciate the physical love language. They may connect deeply when engaging mentally but they also like the intimacy of physical contact
How to Use the 7 Love Languages
Even if you understand each others love language, it does not guarantee a long and happy relationship. However, it can go along way to making sure you do not misunderstand each other. Which is the biggest hurdle people face.
You and your partner can read through the 7 love languages and discuss which one you are. There are also tests online you can take.
The important things is have a open talk about whether you feel your love needs are being met.
It’s not a time for judgement, but a time to learn about each other. It shows you care enough to want to understand each others love styles.
When your love style is met you feel secure and cared for. When you feel it is not you will be full of doubt and wonder if they even love you at all.
It would be shame if your relationship was troublesome because of a simple misunderstanding and you did not realize it.
The Original 5 Love languages.
The concept of the “Five Love Languages” was developed and introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman in his 1992 book titled “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.”
These languages are meant to describe the different ways people express and experience love.
1. Words of Affirmation
This language uses words to affirm other people. For those who prefer this love language, hearing “I love you,” compliments, and verbal encouragement are crucial. They value the love, appreciation, and positive affirmation expressed through words.
2. Acts of Service
For these individuals, actions speak louder than words. They feel loved and appreciated when their loved one does helpful things like cooking a meal, doing chores, or running errands. It’s all about easing the burdens of your partner in practical ways.
3. Receiving Gifts
This love language isn’t necessarily materialistic. It can be as simple as receiving a small gift, gesture, or token that shows the person is known, cared for, and prized. The thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift are what matter the most.
4. Quality Time
This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention. It means spending time together, listening, and engaging in meaningful conversations.
5. Physical Touch
For individuals who communicate their love through this language, physical touch is crucial. It includes hugs, pats, holding hands, and other forms of physical intimacy. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
Dr. Chapman’s theory suggests that everyone has a primary love language that speaks more deeply to them than the others. Understanding your own and your partner’s love languages can significantly improve communication and strengthen the relationship.
Who is Truity?
Truity is a company known for providing online personality and career assessments.
They offer a variety of tests, including the TypeFinder® personality test, which is based on Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), and the Enneagram test.
Truity’s assessments are often used for both personal insight and professional development purposes.
The 7 new love languages are an updated look at the original 5 love languages developed by Dr Chapman.
The 7 love languages are activity, appreciation. Emotional, financial, intellectual, physical and practical.
You or your partner will have a main love language, however you will also value the other languages as well. Someone who loves physical intimacy will also appreciate deep and meaningful conversations.
When understand your main love language you can communicate it your partner and they can do the same.
This mutual understanding will help you both feel secure and safe in a healthy and loving relationship.
It’s easy to fall in love, but to maintain it and help it grow takes understanding and work,. These love languages are a great tool to help you.
Have fun and enjoy the process of finding which of the seven love styles you are.