Ever wondered why you attract the same type of people into your life? It could be down to your attachment style. Take the attachment style quiz to find out.
What Does Attachment Style Mean?
An attachments style is how we relate to people in adult relationships.
The concept is rooted in Attachment Theory, which was initially developed by John Bowlby in the mid-20th century.
Adult Attachment Style is Formed In Childhood
Bowlby believed the bonds formed between children and their primary caregivers play a crucial role in the child’s social, emotional, and cognitive development.
If a child’s parents understood and took care of the child’s physical and emotional needs, the child will feel secure in the way it relates to the parents.
If the parents mistreated the child intentionally or unintentionally by not understanding what the child needs or not giving them the care it needs, he or she will feel insecure in relationships. They will also develop trauma that will take into later life.
When the child grows up it will relate to other people in the same way it learned to relate to parents as a child.
Attachment Style Quiz
For each statement, choose the answer that best describes your feelings or behaviour’s in romantic relationships:
When my partner is away, I…
- A. Feel comfortable and trust they’ll return.
- B. Often worry they might not really come back or love me.
- C. Feel relief. I prefer to be on my own.
- D. Feel mixed emotions, sometimes I want them close, other times I’m scared they might hurt me.
I find it easy to get emotionally close to my partner.
- A. True
- B. I want to get closer than my partner allows.
- C. False
- D. Sometimes true, sometimes false.
When I’m not with my partner, I…
- A. Feel independent and confident.
- B. Often worry about our relationship.
- C. Prefer it and feel more relaxed.
- D. Feel confused about how I truly feel about them.
I often worry that my partner will abandon me.
- A. Rarely or never.
- B. Often.
- C. Not really, I’d be okay on my own.
- D. Sometimes I do, but sometimes I push them away myself.
I feel uncomfortable being too close to my partner.
- A. Rarely or never.
- B. No, I desire closeness.
- C. Yes, it’s suffocating.
- D. I’m never sure of how close I want to be.
My romantic relationships tend to be very intense.
- A. Not necessarily, they’re mostly stable.
- B. Yes, full of ups and downs.
- C. No, I keep things at a distance.
- D. It’s chaotic, sometimes passionate, sometimes very distant.
If my partner needs space, I…
- A. Respect their need and give them space.
- B. Feel anxious and insecure.
- C. Feel relieved.
- D. Feel a mix of relief and anxiety.
Read what each attachment style means below.
You attachment style quiz answers are mostly …
A’s: Secure Attachment – You feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.
B’s: Anxious Attachment – You crave closeness and intimacy, often feeling worried about your relationships.
C’s: Dismissive Avoidant Attachment – You’re uncomfortable with too much closeness and value your independence highly.
D’s: Fearful avoidant, Disorganized Attachment – You have mixed feelings about intimacy, sometimes desiring it and sometimes finding it threatening.
The Attachment Styles
Most people are not 100% one to exclusion of the others. We are usually a mix of these depending on the relationship and circumstances.
However, you will find that you tend to one more so over the others.
Individuals with a secure attachment style tend to have a positive view of themselves and others. They are comfortable with intimacy and independence. In relationships, they are often warm, understanding, and responsive to their partner’s needs.
Anxious Attachment (or Anxious-Preoccupied):
Individuals with an anxious attachment style often worry about their relationships. They fear rejection or abandonment and can be described as “clingy” or “needy.” They will seek high levels of validation and reassurance from their partners.
This style can further be divided into two subcategories:
Individuals with this attachment style place a high value on their independence and often seek to minimize the importance of close relationships. They might avoid intimacy and be quick to perceive acts of intimacy as a sign of dependency.
Fearful-Avoidant (or Disorganized):
These individuals have a mix of anxious and avoidant tendencies. They desire emotional closeness but are deeply afraid of getting hurt, leading to push-pull behavior in relationships.
Our attachment style is learned in childhood from how our caregivers treated and understood us.
We take this style with us into our adult relationships. Although we will have a predominant style, we can have other attachment styles depending on the circumstances.
The Attachment style quiz gives you an idea of how you relate. But if you have serious issues in relationships seek help from a a professional to dig deeper.
Although you can change your attachment style, it takes time and a lot of effort. Some say you cannot let go completely, however at the very least you can improve the way you relate to people.
Other Articles that will interest you : Letting go of codependency and Life Scripts: The Hidden Patterns that Control Your Life.