Emotional Intelligence in Relationships

When either you or your partner lacks emotional intelligence, your relationship will suffer. Therefore, emotional intelligence in relationships is the key indicator of long and healthy relationship satisfaction.

When one of you is low in this trait, you will find it hard to have productive conversations, they will also lack depth and meaning. You will be frustrated because you will not meet each others emotional needs.

Emotional intelligence is your ability to observe and understand not only your own emotions but also those of others. It means you can differentiate between various emotions and utilize this insight to steer your thoughts and actions.

How Emotional Intelligence in Relationships Builds Long Healthy Connections

When you have emotional intelligence you will understand yourself and the other person, this will lead to a stronger bond between you.

When you understand yourself, you convey your wants and needs clearly, and when you understand the other person you will build a deeper connection and empathy.

With emotional intelligence, you will be able to deal with disagreements in a productive manner, you will both understand it each other better afterwards.

A sign you are in a relationship where you both have emotional intelligence is that you build a deeper connection as time goes on. You have your ups and down, but the long term trajectory is a better understanding of each other.

How Tell If Your Partner Lacks Emotional Intelligence in Relationships

We can often attribute to malice to that which is actually low emotional intelligence.

So if you are getting frustrated and angry with your partner, look for these signs of emotional intelligence issues…

1. They do not take your feelings seriously

Because they are out of touch with their own emotions, they will dismiss others people emotions as well.

If your partner cannot comprehend the the basic emotions without you explaining it to them, then most likely lack emotional intelligence.

2. You are tired of explaining the obvious

If you have to explain obvious stuff like frustration, annoyance and sadness, this is another sign.

You are probably tired of having to say the same things again and again, because he or she cannot understand what most people can see with ease.

3. They find it difficult to display emotions

People who do not have emotional intelligence have learned to suppress their emotions. Because of this, they cannot express them in a healthy way or if at all.

Sometimes they will say “I am Ok” when it is obvious from the situation they are not. This makes it hard to help them or connect with them.

4. You feel resentment

You have ignored their lack of emotional understanding and have not said anything, just to keep the peace. This has lead you to feel resentment towards them.

Understand this is natural. But is a strong sign your partner is emotionally unavailable.

5. They show anxiety and anger

People who are out of touch with their feelings get frustrated. This can lead to anxiety and anger,

So if he or she shows high anger and anxiety, it’s a sign that person cannot express themselves and are struggling.

6. Nothing gets resolved

It’s difficult to come to a compromise when you cannot understand each other on an emotional level.

If you find the same problems and issues linger on and on, without end, then it’s sign the person lacks emotional intelligence.

7. They Cannot explain what they are feeling

People who do not have emotional intelligence don’t know what they are feeling. When a healthy person feels frustrated, they can tell you. Those lacking in emotional intelligence, don’t know what to call the emotion, so cannot explain it.

How To deal with a Partner Who Has Low Emotional Intelligence

Talking to someone who has low emotional intelligence in relationships

It’s not easy dealing with someone who has low emotional intelligence. You have to explain obvious stuff and you seem to go round in circles with the same issues. However, there are some things you can to to make things easier and help understand each other better.


This is the starting point.

You want to accept he or she does not have access to the same emotions as you. They not only suppress their feelings, but they cannot communicate them either.

So when they cannot understand you, they are not being malicious or ignorant, they just cannot feel what you are feeling. And if they can feel it, they don’t what to do with it.

When you accept them as they are, you can then deal with them from a honest and real place.

Listen and Communicate

They may not be able express what they are feeling clearly, however, they do communicate in a way that makes sense to them.

So listen carefully to what they are saying and ask them if you understood them correctly.

This way you start to see what they mean, even though it is not how an emotionally intelligent person would say it.

Extend this to what you say. Explain what are you are feeling and what that means. Don’t make any assumptions about their understanding.

Ask Easy to Answer Questions

Try to ask questions that have a simple yes or no answer. You can ask “do you see that I am not happy?” The least this will do is open a dialogue and help you understand each other better.

Stick to the facts as much as you can. Make facts a priority over emotions when you talk to them.

Sign’s of a emotionally intelligent Partner

You don’t want to confuse a low emotional intelligent person with someone who is just awkward or has other issues with you.

So here are the signs of an emotional healthy partner…

Socially Involved

They do not have problems in social situations. The neither over or under react. And they find it is easy to connect with people.

Self aware

Emotionally intelligent people understand themselves and know when they have acted in way that is inappropriate to the situation. They know there own strengths and weakness, which helps them in relationships and socially. In addition, they understand their own feelings and can tell you what they feel.

They are there if you need them

Whether it is to listen or offer comfort they will be there for you without you having to explain in detail what you are going through.

They are not afraid of disagreements

An emotionally intelligent person understands that people disagree on things, and will be comfortable in talking things through and not running way or becoming cold and silent.


They are resilient to the ups and down of relationships and life. They understand themselves enough to put things in perspective.

Advice for Couples Who Want Improve Emotionally intelligence

There are a few things you can do as a couple that will help you if one of you has low emotional intelligence.

As stated earlier make sure you listen and communicate openly. Ask simple questions that help you understand each others perspective. As you do so, make eye contact.

It’s easy to get lost in emotions and thoughts, by making eye contact you come back to the moment and see each other clearly.

And make sure you are grateful for the positive things. You can do this privately or together.

Take the emotional intelligence Quiz

Another option is to take a personality test and seek professional help. This will help you both see each others view points. A personality test can be fun if you don’t look at it in a judgmental way.

Finally, in addition to the relationship management, try to cultivate the other 3 areas of emotional intelligence, They are self awareness, self control and social awareness, You can learn more about the four branches of emotional intelligence by clicking on the link.


Emotional intelligence in relationships is the foundation for a long and healthy connection.

Without it, you will lack emotional connection and depth, and will build resentment over time.

With emotional intelligence your relationship will grow over time and you will understand each better and deeper.

With open communication and listening, you can overcome many of the hurdles that you face when dealing with someone who has low emotional intelligence in relationships.

I have given you signs to spot for both someone who has high emotional intelligence skills and also low. As well as some ways to improve your relationship.

Apply the principles and you will develop a deeper bond.

See also 7 Love Languages and Questions for Long Distance Relationships